You Heard It Here

Please, Ben Stein, run for president:

Every single Presidential candidate is promising that he or she will make our lives better if we elect him or her to the White House. He or she will give us change, offer us hope, make our breath sweeter, make us more prosperous, more productive, happier, better educated, and healthier if we cast our votes for him or her. It’s a fun show but inside The White House, there is no Santa Claus.

Presidents simply cannot change much for most of us. For the huge majority of Americans, how much we earn, how healthy we are, how well our kids are educated, that’s all up to us, not the federal government. No government program will make us middle class or rich if we don’t get educated in some way and work hard. No government program will make us healthy if we eat too much or smoke or drink too much, or don’t get exercise. The government cannot provide a lavish retirement for us if we don’t save and invest well. Oh, and all of that money the candidates promise to spend? That’s your money, not their money, they’re spending.

In the free society, what we are and who we are depends on us, except for the very most poor among us, where the government can indeed make a difference. But for the huge bulk of us Americans, no matter what any Republican or any Democrat promises, it’s up to the people in our house, not The White House. For most of us, what the politicians say is just sideshow barking. When the circus leaves town we have to get back to basics: work, save, and teach your children well, and enjoy the political show. But it’s just show business, not real business.

Our local cable TV/Internet provider changed hands at the start of the year, from Insight to Comcast. All was fine in the beginning. Now it seems I’m having weekly issues.

A service tech has been out twice to fix problems which kept me from having Internet. Things worked OK for a short period after each visit, but two weeks ago I lost Internet again. I called Comcast and begged for a tech to come that afternoon. No luck. It was either the next morning or days later. I informed the phone tech I wasn’t going to be home the next morning so she said someone would call the next day to discuss the ongoing issues. Well guess what? A tech showed up the next morning anyway (leaving a “sorry we missed you” tag on the door).

And, of course, the phone call to discuss my ongoing problems never came. However, thanks to a little investigative work I deduced I was still having weak signal issues. I pulled a splitter from the whole setup, which gave me Internet again — but cut off television to one of my TVs.

So last week my service went out again. I thought it was another weak signal problem but this time it was much simpler: termination of service due to non-payment. Hmm… the bank shows the payments have been made, so what gives? Turns out that during the transition from Insight to Comcast a payment vanished. It went to the same address, but what they did with it — “they” being Insight-turned-Comcast — is a mystery.

I convinced the Comcast billing rep to turn us back on, but she played dumb about the missing payment. I suggested that since Insight is now Comcast, there had to be someone who could track down the missing money. “No, we’re not Insight,” she told me. “No, you are Insight,” I replied. ”You’re simply under new ownership with a new name. And since you’re the company that bought Insight, their money is now your money.”

No dice. However, she did give me the phone number for an Insight/Comcast office she thought could help. Nifty! Too bad it was a Comcast business customers support line. Too bad, also, the guy on the other end was stumped.

So now where are we? In Comcast no-man’s land, that’s where. I’ve ordered my own booster to help our weak signal problem, but I’m guessing by the time it arrives we’ll have been cut off for non-payment again.

UPDATE: Within an hour of this post going live I was notified of two comments awaiting moderation — both from Comcast reps saying they were sorry to hear of my troubles, and both encouraging me to contact them for help. That’s nice. (At least someone’s reading my blog.)

UPDATE #2: A local Comcast rep called Monday, but I wasn’t home. I called her Tuesday, emailed her a PDF of my bank statement showing we paid all our bills. She said she’d be fixing the problem so it looks like the Comcast billing issue is resolved. Since I’ve already ordered my own signal booster, I’m hoping to fix the weak signal issue on my own.

“Whining Americans” has become a regular topic of discussion on the radio show. The economy has slowed and prices on gas, milk and energy have gone up enough that those on the edge are truly hurting. But most Americans are fine. In fact, a lot of folks “feeling the pinch” have had to move from very comfortable to just plain old comfortable. And that, apparently, is hard. Push them out of their comfort zone and they whine. The newspapers and TV morning shows are loving these people.

Like the woman who’s had to switch from organic to regular milk and has stopped buying the convenient single-serve juice bottles (she’s reached “a tipping point”). Ouch. Or the woman who’s using her BlackBerry to send herself reminders of sales on bottled water. Ouch. Or the private plane owner who’s not flying as much because fuel prices have gone up. Ouch again. Or the couple who’ve scrapped plans for a 12-day European vacation this summer and instead will be slumming it by renting a vacation home on Martha’s Vineyard. Ouch, ouch, ouch!

My schedule is such that I don’t need to carry a calendar, paper or electronic. Google Calendar has me covered. But for to-do lists, note-taking, small projects, grocery lists, etc., I can’t live without my Moleskine Cahier Pocket Ruled Notebooks. They’re small, thin, flexible and durable. And you can get 3 for under 7 bucks. I only wish they came in more colors!

I know you. Each day you fire up your browser, head to this blog… and then surf away, dissapointed. “Why doesn’t Steve update his blog more often?” you ask. “He’s so funny! So damned insightful. I just wish he’d post more often!”

Yeah, I’m full of it. Sure, I’d like to be a more regular blogger, but I have a few other things that take priority each day. In a way I’m glad, as too much blogging could be bad for my health:

A growing work force of home-office laborers and entrepreneurs, armed with computers and smartphones and wired to the hilt, are toiling under great physical and emotional stress created by the around-the-clock Internet economy that demands a constant stream of news and comment. … Two weeks ago in North Lauderdale, Fla., funeral services were held for Russell Shaw, a prolific blogger on technology subjects who died at 60 of a heart attack. In December, another tech blogger, Marc Orchant, died at 50 of a massive coronary. A third, Om Malik, 41, survived a heart attack in December. Other bloggers complain of weight loss or gain, sleep disorders, exhaustion and other maladies born of the nonstop strain of producing for a news and information cycle that is as always-on as the Internet.

More from the New York Times.

In the little town of Raymond, Maine, some elementary students have been challenged to go 21 days without complaining. According to MaineToday.com, the idea for the challenge originated in 2006 with a pastor in Kansas City, Missiouri. Wanting to encourage the habit of gratitude in his congregation, the Rev. Will Bowen asked them to go without complaining for 21 days. Neat!

So this morning we dialed up the school for a radio interview. We thought it would be a warm ‘n’ fuzzy to talk to the teacher of the students.

Wrong.

Here’s how it went down when I got the teacher on the phone:

Me: “Hi, I’m with a radio station in Illinois and we read an article about your class going 21 days without complaining. Would you interested in going on-air with us to talk about it?”

Her: (Dead silence for 5 seconds.) “Um, I don’t think so. I wasn’t real happy with the article and I’m a little shy about talking to more media.”

Me: “Really? The article was great.”

Her: “Where did you say you were from?”

Me: “Champaign, Illinois.”

Her: “I don’t understand how you heard about this.”

Me: “Uh, we read an article on the Internet.”

Her: “I don’t think I’m interested. Besides, how do I know you are who you say you are?”

Me: ”Well, I could give your our website address and you could email me from there and I could reply to that email.”

Her: ”I’m a little leary right now, so I don’t think so.”

Gmail has introduced something called Custom Time. Using an e-flux capacitor, you can now send email to the past! What will those guys at Google think of next? This day, April 1, will always be remembered as the day Google gave us Custom Time.

Quick 800 line access to hundreds of companies.

Consumerist’s (short) list of company CEO phone numbers.

And the granddaddy of them all: GetHuman.

Gmail Paper! What will those Google guys think of next?

Those of you born of Irish blood will be unhappy, but I’m posting a link to the secret What’s Your Leprechaun Name? website.

This commercial for the Pontiac G8 brings back memories of a favorite video game. I can only imagine how many quarters I dropped on Spy Hunter…

Here’s a challenging puzzle called Spin the Black Circle.

Now you can be a part of the latest political scandal!

Got a phobia? From various sources:

Bill Bob Thornton fears flying, antique furniture and bright colors.

Robert De Niro is afraid of dentists.

Katie Couric hates heights.

Johnny Depp and Sean Combs dislike clowns.

Alfred Hitchcock hated eggs. The site of the yolk grossed him out.

Scarlett Johannsen is afraid of cockroaches. Probably because she once woke up to find one on her face.

Matthew McConaughey fears evolving doors and tunnels.

Oprah Winfrey can’t stand chewing gum.

After hearing this bit of news, the Mary Ann or Ginger debate is over. Busted for marijuana possessions at age 69? Hey, she’s 69 — leave her alone. The rule should be that once you hit 65 you can do whatever you want as long as you’re not harming anyone else.

About 1 in 5 read blogs regularly. 

The world’s worst intersections and traffice jams.

Tree jewelry and tree knitting.

Today is Organize Your Home Office Day.

Trying to (yawn) adjust to Daylight Saving Time. It could take weeks.

Big Mac attack. Not the sandwich, the game.

Windows’ System Restore can save the day. This little program makes creating a restore point easy.

Women in Film.

Sad to hear about Patrick Swayze having cancer. He’s best know for Ghost, but my favorite Swayze film is Red Dawn.

It’s called a Hangboard. Someone’s gonna get hurt on this thing.

This was supposed to be I Am Legend’s ending.

Daylight Saving time begins this weekend. So you know, it costs you money.

A 101-year-old who plans to run the London Marathon.

Life in Champaign-Urbana, in pictures.

The website of odd, strange, interesting, and unbelievable things spilled on the road by trucks.

A big list of the best real estate sites.

RiverBrew is a place where believers can come “to worship God through appreciation of his creation” and “to resume the Church’s historical role as making the finest beer in town.”

The new Obama video is on YouTube…

The movie I’ll be seeing on May 2.

Dan Simmons’ The Terror could be the best book I’ve ever read.

Why do we have a problem with the French? Probably because some of them — including an Oscar winner — think we made up the 9/11 attacks.

Got a dog but hate to poop-scoop? Get Poop Freeze.

A slideshow of the new seed vault in Norway, which could evenutally hold some 2 billion seeds.

Whatever happened to Leap Year baby and motivational speaker Anthony J. Mahavorick?

It’s official — this is the cutest video on YouTube.

You’re not getting enough sleep, says the CDC.

Imagine Pretty Woman starring Molly Ringwald. Or Raiders of the Lost Ark with Tom Selleck as leading man. Did Mark Wahlberg miss his chance at an Oscar?

In all, 32 million people tuned in for the Oscars this year, the lowest number ever. Entertainment writers and bloggers are having a field day with this tragic news, but Hollywood doesn’t care. In the end it’s their night, not ours, and the TV ratings don’t do a thing for what matters most: The bottom line.

Before going forward I should mention that I’ m okay with Hollywood making lots of money. Hollywood is a business, with owners, managers, and employees all trying to pull in a paycheck. Their jobs are to make money, just like its your job to help your company make money. What I’m saying is the Oscars telecast has very little to do with making money.

What matters is the hype that starts in early fall and runs into March. It’s a well-run machine that every talk show, news program, blog, radio host and newspaper can’t avoid, and it works wonderfully in helping Hollywood accomplish its goal of making more money. (Again, making money is OK, for it puts food in the mouths of George Clooney, his hair stylist, and his gaffer.)

Any movie, or person, just nominated for an Oscar gets pushed into the living, breathing mainstream for six months in the hopes that you and I will pay to see it, or them, at the theater, on DVD, or on pay-per-view. Like all awards shows, the idea is get the most publicity for your movie, or star, prior to, or after, the show airs. The studios have already made millions upon millions on movies like Spider-Man 3 and The Bourne Repetition; they need the pre- and post-Oscars hype to sell more shiny discs of No Country for Old Men.

Even Hollywood knows the Oscar telecast offers little in the way of entertainment. It’s an awards show, which are generally all pretty boring to anyone not getting an award. (When you went to your company’s last awards banquet, how many times did you check your watch? Now imagine if it had been spiced it up with a few songs and a marginally funny host. Yes, you’d have been checking your watch twice as much.)

“But 25 years ago the Oscars had, like, 45 million viewers!” Yes, and 25 years ago the average household had maybe 30 channels and no high speed Internet. Let’s face it: Compared to what’s on your TiVo, on your iPod Touch, streaming in your web browser and coming down the satellite, the Oscars can’t compare.

They don’t have to.

I like ice. (Not this ice.) A full glass — crushed, please — with a bit of lemon and water filling in the gaps. Some companies are trying to make and sell the most chewable ice. There’s a place online for ice lovers. And I’m currently reading a book about ships caught in the ice.

Someday your Valentine’s hard drive will crash. Show them you love them by putting in place a backup plan:

1) Buy an external USB hard drive. Portable storage is cheap and backing up to an external hard drive takes seconds. Most come with programs that automate the process for you. Newer versions of Windows offer built-in backup software, but I like the free Karen’s Replicator.

2) Figure out what’s irreplaceable and back it up often, at least weekly. I’m talking about documents, digital photos, tax records, emails, etc. You don’t have to back up your entire hard drive since programs and music files can be reinstalled and replaced, either free or for a price.

3) Don’t store your only copy of something on an external drive. If your computer’s low on hard drive space and you’re tempted to move photos and videos to an external drive, that’s fine, but be sure that drive is backed up by another drive. You always want at least two copies of the stuff you’d hate to lose. Which brings us to a great option…

4) Consider a virtual hard drive. Online backup services have gotten cheaper, easier to use, and more secure. Services like Mozy and Carbonite have been rated well and give you unlimited, off-site storage for just a few bucks a month.

(Sure, buying an external hard drive for your sweetheart may not be her idea of romance, but it could fall under the definition of “choreplay“.)

All real, all romantic sounding:

• Roseville, Calif.
• Rose City, Mich.
• South Heart, N.D.
• Loveland, Colo.
• Darling township, Minn.
• Loveland, Ohio
• Romeo, Colo.
• Sacred Heart, Minn.
• Loveland Park, Ohio
• Lovejoy, Ga.
• Heart Butte, Mont.
• Love County, Okla.
• Loves Park, Ill.
• Valentine, Neb.
• Loveland, Okla.
• Lovington, Ill.
• Lovelock, Nev.
• Lovelady, Texas
• Romeoville, Ill.
• Loving, N.M.
• Loving County, Texas
• Rosemont, Ill.
• Lovington, N.M.
• Valentine, Texas
• Romeo, Mich.
• Love Valley, N.C.
• Rose Hill, Va.

Hotel theft is rampant. In a survey of members of TripAdvisor.com, 22% of respondents admitted to stealing stuff like bath robes and glassware. The hotel industry says theft by guests and employees costs them an etimated $100 million a year.

Ever steal anything from a hotel or motel?

Monday, January 21, you may want to take off from work. After all, it will be the Unhappiest Day of the Year. An expert in seasonal disorders first identified January as the most stressful month. And now there’s a formula that works out the worst day of the year — and this year it’s Monday, January 21. The formula takes into account lousy weather, debts owed after the holidays and the amount of time before you abandon your New Year’s resolutions.

Kate is a young woman spending a year in Russia. The daughter of friends, she’s done a wonderful job of keeping everyone back in the U.S. up-to-date on her life over there. Now back home for a few weeks, she’s taken a moment to talk about some of the things she’s gotten used to in Russia “that would range from slightly odd to completely unacceptable in the United States.”

They include:

• Paying for plastic bags at the grocery store – and hating yourself for forgetting to bring the ones you’ve hoarded from previous trips, even though they only cost somewhere between 4 and 10 cents. Sometimes, you’ll go to a really nice store (mainly this happens at bookstores), and they’ll give you a really nice bag, and you’ll carry it around with you for months.

• People carrying around a mini shoe brush and using every possible second to polish their shoes. This obsession with shoe cleanliness also leads to signs in bathrooms asking people very kindly not to wash their shoes in the toilet.

• Every person within a 15-foot radius freaking out whenever something, no matter how insignificant, touches the floor. This includes people sitting on the floor. Obviously, the floor is incredibly dirty, and we must do whatever it takes to prevent this! Complete strangers will rush across a room to tell you something is touching the floor.

• The mandatory nature of hat-wearing. It’s just not an option. Much like things touching the floor. I’ve had total strangers come up to me and tell me to put a hat on, even when it’s really not that cold at all.

• Omnipresent coat checks. Even in very run-of-the-mill, not at all fancy restaurants there will most definitely be a coat check, and you will most definitely be expected to use it. Our university even has a coat check. I think this is quite a nice thing.

Back a few years ago, Google had something called the Deskbar. I loved it. Say you were hammering away on an important project in your word processor and needed to search the web for something. With a browser-based toolbar you have to bring your browser to the front before clicking in the search box. But with Deskbar your search box was always in sight. I say was because Google shifted its focus to its Desktop Search project a couple of years ago, leaving Deskbar in the dust. Sure, you can embed the Desktop Search box in your Taskbar, but that means having to install the whole D.S. package, which I don’t want.

Fortunately you can still find Google Deskbar online.

I was going through my ‘temporary’ Firefox bookmarks (the sites I bookmark that I’ll check “later”) and found TaDaList.com, a web-based to-do list on steroids. (Oops, sorry. Didn’t mean to accuse them of using steroids. It’s a web-based to-do list on lots of vitamins. Probably a whole fistful of Flintstones Chewables.)

I did a little research and discovered a whole slew of services that can help me manage my to-do list:

Ta-da lists - Among other things, Ta-da lists lets you share your to-do list with others… so they can see what you’re not completing and make fun of your laziness.

Todoist - Lots of ways to get organized here, plus a search feature. If my to-do list gets so long that I need search, it’s time to hire an assistant or flush the list and start over.

Toodledo - One feature at Toodledo lets me jot down my short- and long-term goals.

Tudu Lists - Like many of these to-do lists, this one offers an RSS feed. (Ironically, one of the items on my to-do list is to trim the number of feeds in my RSS reader.)

Remember the Milk - A to-do list for those who only need help remembering to buy milk. For those who also need bread, please visit Remember the Bread.

Voo2do - Voo2do describes itself as “advanced task and priority management for busy, ambitious individuals.” So  I take it this site’s not for bored, ambivalent individuals?

Bla-bla list - “Lists without any blah-blah!” Makes sense, but what if I want blah-blah? Or maybe yadda-yadda?

If you want a separate web service handling your to-do list, any of these will work. You might also try tracking your to-do’s using Gmail, or with my personal favorite.

It’s been awhile since a blog post made me laugh out loud, like this one. Yes, it really did, jack.

Years ago, while working for a small radio station in Southern Illinois, I was asked to be a part of one of those “bid for a bachelor” charity events — women bidding at a live auction on a “celebrity” bachelor and his date package. My date package was a trip to Six Flags in St. Louis, and the woman who “won” me was about my age (early 20s) and still in college. Other than raising money for a good cause, I’m not sure what compelled this young lady to bid for an all-day date with a stranger, but for me it was life-altering.

I was afraid of roller coasters.

Why? I don’t know. But when it came time to deliver I told myself that if my date liked roller coaster I’d have to suck it up and ride. Thanks to that date, I’m now a big fan of roller coasters. If you’re a fan of roller coasters, too, you’ll enjoy this list of the 10 Best Rollercoaster on Earth — complete with video ride-alongs.

CNN and CareerBuilder are out with a list of some of the best job perks offered by American companies:

Barkley; Kansas City, Missouri — This advertising agency has an annual “Kidnap Day,” when the company shuts down for the day and workers are taken to an undisclosed location, like an arcade. Additionally, there are break-time activities, like pool and ping-pong tournaments, and free Boulevard beer on tap after 4pm. To top it off, employees are given birthdays off (with $25 spending money); on-site yoga; and a rooftop observation deck with gardens, Wi-Fi access and barbecue grills.

SAS; Cary, North Carolina — Along with amenities like an on-site hair salon, massage therapy and car detailing, this software company also features subsidized day care centers and a free on-site healthcare center, complete with doctors, nurse practitioners and nutritionists.

VistaPrint; Lexington, Massachusetts — Employees who have been with this graphic design and custom-printing company for five years have the chance to take a one month, paid sabbatical — to do whatever they please.

More

Trailers for what Yahoo says are the 10 most anticipated movies of 2008…

Cloverfield
Rambo
Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who
Iron Man
Speed Racer
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Sex and the City
WALL-E (Pixar’s next big flick)
Wanted (Angelina Jolie is part of a secret fellowship of assassins)
The Dark Knight

I’m not sure why, but as a kid I was fascinated by the story of D.B. Cooper. Probably because only a Hollywood screenwriter could come up with this plot: Dan “D.B.” Cooper (a pseudonym) hijacked a Boeing 727 in 1971, obtained a $200,000 ransom, then jumped out of the back of the jet as it flew over a Washington forest. Cooper was never found (though some of the money was). Now the FBI is renewing its investigation into the mysterious case. One break came in 2001 when the feds were able to pull DNA samples off a tie Cooper left behind on the plane.

This time of year I like to spread some geek holiday cheer by tuning up the computers of family members and friends. Over the last few days I’ve cleaned and tweaked my mother’s laptop, my father’s desktop, and the laptop of a good friend’s daughter, who will soon be heading back to college.

I’ve added a few steps to the 2008 edition of The Big Holiday Tune-Up, which still pertains to Windows XP systems. (While I’m sure most of these steps will work with Windows Vista, I’ve yet to use a Vista machine; even the new laptop delivered to my house this year came pre-installed, thankfully, with XP.)

Ready? Let’s begin The Big Holiday Tune-Up 2008.

1. Back up important files. You don’t have to go nuts and back up your entire hard drive, but at least copy your My Documents, My Pictures and My Music folders to an external hard drive. (You’re backing up regularly, right? If not, give Mozy a try.)

2. Create a system “restore point”. System Restore takes a snapshot of your PC’s current configuration. You create a restore point so that, should a tweak or tune-up go awry, you can go back to a time when the PC worked normally. System Restore can be found by clicking the Start button and then Accessories > System Tools > System Restore.

3. If you’re working on someone else’s computer, ask them to look over your should now so you can discuss the programs they use and don’t use. PCs come with a lot of pre-installed junk that never gets used, so look at the desktop, Taskbar tray (near the clock) and Start menu for clues to what’s on the computer. On a piece of paper, jot down the programs that can be removed. Once your list is complete, begin the uninstall process. (I do this manually, program by program, but you might find it helpful to use a program like PC Decrapifier.)

… Since you’re removing unwanted programs, be sure to open Control Panel > Add/Remove Programs and click on Add/Remove Windows Components. This is where I remove MSN Explorer, Outlook Express (if not being used), Windows Messanger, and Indexing Service.)

… After you remove unused programs, open Internet Explorer and remove icons and uninstall toolbars that aren’t being used. (The latest Internet Explorer includes a web search box, but many computers I clean also have a Yahoo and/or Google Toolbar installed. Unless the user needs it, get rid of those add-ons.)

5. For safety’s sake, make another “restore point” in System Restore now, and then reboot.

6. At the Taskbar tray I hopefully put an end to at least a couple of programs loading on startup. To be sure I’ll next run Windows Startup Inspector or Autoruns. Either can keep resource hogs like Real Player, Quicktime, Windows Messenger, etc. from launching when the computer boots up. After that I’ll run CCleaner to wipe away months, or sometimes years, of old temp files, cookies and other junk. In CCleaner you want to use the options available through both the “cleaner” and “issues” buttons. (If you’re working on the computer of a non-techie, you might go into CCleaner’s options menu and tell it to clean on computer startup. CCleaner does this quietly and quickly each time the computer boots.)

7. To further speed up a PC I’ll turn off most of Windows’ visual effects, such as fade-ins and fade-outs, slide opens, and animated windows. Do this by clicking Control Panel > System > Advanced > Performance Settings. (Usually about the only options I leave checked are ‘Show shadows under mouse pointer’ and ‘Smooth edges of screen fonts’.)

8. Uninstall Adobe Reader and install Foxit Reader. It’s a free replacement for Adobe’s bloated PDF reading software.

9. If the computer you’re tuning up is low on hard drive space, List Large Files is a handy program that does just that: scans your drive for really large files. Finding even a few that the user no longer need (video files, .wav files, etc.) can free up some hard drive space.

10. And finally, I’ll run a disk check and defrag the hard drive.

Samer at FreewareGenius.com posted something I can relate to: the time and money I’d love to spend on gaming, but won’t.

A buddy of mine (also in his 40s) has been after me for a year to get an Xbox 360. I used to love to game, but looking back I bet I spent a couple of hours a day playing Quake Arena, Medal of Honor, or whatever. I’m busier than ever and really care too much for my wife to do that to her, so I guess I’ll stick to playing Tiger Woods golf once a week on my laptop.

Thank you, Illinois, for  wasting hundreds of thousands of dollars on a “shopping guide” we didn’t need:

Nov. 30, 2007 - Attorney General Lisa Madigan today released a 2007 Safe Shopping Guide to help parents steer clear of recalled children’s products as they shop for holiday gifts. The guide contains color photos and descriptions of hundreds of products recalled during 2007, including toys, jewelry, furniture and clothes. This resource is the first comprehensive guide to help Illinois consumers in making holiday shopping purchases and in identifying and removing recalled products that may already be in their homes. The 91-page guide lists recalled products and provides the product name and manufacturer, the unsafe features and the recall date. Copies of the guide, including editions with background information in Spanish and Polish, are available free to consumers at all of the Attorney General’s main and regional offices.

Uh, Lisa, where is the money coming from? Illinois’ budget issues are the laughingstock of the country and now you’re spending money on a 91-page color book full of information which our libraries, newspapers and the Internet already provide. And let’s be realistic: Of the 13 million residents, how many will really stop by one of your offices to pick up this guide before heading off to the mall? Lisa, if the Attorney General’s office has money to rehash already-available information, consider passing it on to to one of the state programs that had its budget cut earlier in the year.

My wife and I are in the process of simplifying our offices. One of our goals was to move an old printer out of her office, another was to give me access to a printer. Since the home is Wi-Fi capable, I thought it was good idea to try a wireless printer. Right now, Lexmark has a lowcost model that’s received pretty good reviews. After arriving at my local office supply store, however, I found that by spending an extra $30 we were able to move up to an all-in-one printer/copier/fax/scanner. That’s what we took home.After cracking open the box, a note inside the lid tells you to do nothing before running the install CD. Don’t plug in the printer, don’t hook it up to your PC — nothing. So I popped the CD in and got going. The install disc says the printer setup process will take about 30 minutes; I ran into a problem and ultimately spent nearly 90 minutes trying to get it up and running. It turns out the ‘fix’ was simply, but wasn’t in the instructions.

The CD setup program is very step-by-step, going so far as to show you how to remove packing tape from the printer. Once the basics are done you next have to instruct the printer to communicate with the wireless router. We currently have a couple of laptops running on our home network, all with no problem, but for some reason I couldn’t get the printer to communicate with the router. The Lexmark could see the network (SSID), but failed repeatedly to connect. I double- and triple-checked my wireless security key, but nothing worked. Finally, after a half-dozen attempts at getting the machine to connect to the router, I decided to unplug and restart the router. That did the trick and I was in business.

The Lexmark X6570 has been in my home for less than six hours, but so far I’ve had no trouble printing from two laptops. Something to keep in mind, though, is that every computer using the printer will need to go through the CD setup process. However, after the printer has connected to your network, getting your other computers connected takes less than ten minutes each.)

One annoyance I have with a lot of printers — including this one — is they all want to install loads of extra software that launches when your computer starts. I understand that if I need to scan a document to my computer, or fax from my computer, I need support software — but why load it all on startup? (I used Microsoft’s Autoruns to keep two unnecessary Lexmark programs from loading on Windows startup.)

First Impression: Despite a rocky setup, I like the idea of having my printer tucked away where it’s not seen and, at least in my early tests, it appears the Lexmark X6570 will be able to handle my occasional print/scan/copy/fax jobs just fine.

I’ve just learned about the Freeport Flag Ladies. I’ll explain who they are in just a second, but a little back story first. My cousin, Brendan, is in the United States Army’s 10th Mountain Division. As I write this, he’s winding his way back to Iraq after a short return home to the U.S. Last night my aunt, Brendan’s mom, sent an email of Brendan smiling, talking on a cell phone. It had been taken by the Freeport Flag Ladies after his arrival in Bangor, Maine. (Nex stop: Ireland. Then it’s off to Kuwait, then Iraq.)

From their website, I learned that the Freeport Flag Ladies are three women who start each Tuesday morning by standing on Main Street in Freeport, Maine, wearing our country’s colors and waving the American flag. As their website says, “We have held our ground in rain, sleet and snow with temperatures so cold that our fingers and toes were numb and with the summer sun beating down on us.”

But it gets better.

From their website: The Freeport Flag Ladies often make the long drive to Bangor to join the Maine Troop Greeters at Bangor International Airport and to Pease International in New Hampshire to meet troop flights. Depending upon weather and construction it takes between two and three hours each way. The Freeport Flag Ladies have greeted thousands of soldiers from all over this great nation who were being deployed, or returning home after long deployments.

In addition to greeting the troops, the Freeport Flag ladies will take as many photos as they can for their website, and offer their cell phones so departing soldiers can say “goodbye” before leaving the United States.

I kid you not, right now my heart is full of love for this group of women, Carmen, Elaine & JoAnn — the Freeport Flag Ladies.

Al Qaeda announced that there will soon be a new message from Osama bin Laden.

… They said it’s been delayed due to the writers strike.

My friend Andy emailed me this rant:

You know how they say Sweetest Day and Valentine’s Day are “Hallmark” holidays? Over the weekend I realized that Christmas is a “Duracell” holiday. It all revolves around buying gifts with “batteries not included.” And, when you’re at the store, they’ve positioned batteries to your left and right at the checkout. Then, the high schooler bagging your stuff tries to up-sell you: “And do you need batteries today?”

And, of course, there are a hundred different kinds of batteries. Some are better for your digital camera. Some last even LONGER in your digital camera. But have you noticed that even the ones that last THE LONGEST don’t last long enough? Otherwise they wouldn’t need to sell them in packages of four.

I’m going to celebrate Christmas this year, don’t get me wrong. But at my house, all my kids are getting lincoln logs and bicycles … and a good old fashioned game of “help me clean the garage.” They’ll still have all the fun you can have as a kid. But no batteries required.

Each year, syndicated columnist Dave Barry unveils his gift guide, a collection of offbeat gifts you can actually buy. The full list is at his home paper’s website, MiamiHerald.com.

HAND SOAP — These decorative hand soaps are actually shaped like hands, reaching up at you in a truly creepy decorative way. No guest would dream of actually using these soaps.

TATTOO SLEEVES — These are sleeves that make you look as though you have tattoos all over your arms.

SEASONED SHOT — Ask yourself how many times you have made the following statement after killing a bird with a shotgun: ”Gosh darn it, now I have to painstakingly remove the pellets from this bird, and THEN, in a completely separate step, I have to season the bird so I can eat it! There must be an easier way!” If that sounds like you or somebody on your holiday gift list, then you need Season Shot. It’s a brilliant concept: shotgun pellets that are actually made from seasoning, so that you season the bird when you kill it.

FLYING ALARM CLOCK — The ultimate gift for anybody who has trouble getting out of bed in the morning. This is an alarm clock with a propeller on top. When the alarm sounds, the propeller takes off and flies around the room. The only way to make the alarm go off is to get out of bed, find the propeller, and put it back into the clock.

See the full list here.

The Elf Yourself website popped up a year or two ago as a fun viral campaign from the office supply store OfficeMax. It’s still around and just as fun as ever.

I just finished installing Service Pack 3 for Windows XP and, wow, does it feel the same! I can’t say what I was expecting, but I guess since it’s Thanksgiving weekend I guess I should be thankful that the download/install went smoothly and didn’t screw up the trusty ThinkPad. If you’ve not read about the hack that let’s you jump to the front of the line for SP3, have a look. I read somewhere that Windows runs a bit faster on SP3, but since I’ve only had it for about an hour I can’t say either way.

From a Boise shopping mall, here’s an example of the, er, dark side of Black Friday.

Looking for a new PC, MP3 player, blender or flat-scree TV? Lucky you — there are hundreds of websites offering some great opinions and ratings. Typically you get a roundup of the 5 or 6 best products, plus a “best buy” pick. Helpful, for sure. But it would be even more helpful if every review site did what GPSmagazine.com’s doing with its list of GPS Units To Avoid. Imagine finding a great deal on, oh, a new espresso machine. You pop over to Espresso-Machine-Reviews.com and find a list of their top three, plus reviews of a handful of others. OK, that’s helpful. But what about the bargain machine you just found? You know it’s not the best, but is it a decent unit? A list of espresso machines to avoid would certainly be very helpful right about now.